I'm venting today, I suppose. I feel like my life is a series of contradictions that I am constantly trying to reconcile.
Food, for example. I'm married to a true foodie. Brian loves to cook, and he does it exceptionally well. But more than that, he loves to read about food, talk about food, learn about food. His (non-spiritual) heroes are chefs - Fergus Henderson, Ferran Adria, Mario Batali. Brian knows what excellent food is, and he has taught me so much about delicious (and also healthy) food over the course of our relationship. So WHY ON EARTH do we eat such crap? We've fallen into a rut of Chick-fil-A runs and frozen pot pies. Our cabinet has over 5 varieties of potato chips in it. We went to the grocery store yesterday and left with Easter candy, Gatorade, and other junk. Nothing good or healthy. I admit the way we ate when we first married was more expensive, but we both know how to eat really good food that we cook at home (ok, that HE cooks at home) for just as much as we spend going to Chick-fil-A in a month. We just don't do it. Why? My answer is laziness. Cooking means work, and clean up, which is more work. It's easier to run through the drive in and sit on the couch. But we're both miserable doing this, and we know it. We know better!!! UGH.
Which brings me to the next contradiction. Housework. I've never been able to cook, but I have always prided myself on being able to clean. I'm happiest when my environment is clean and neat and I used to be at least relatively good at keeping things that way (minus periods of clutter from time to time). Now...if anyone was to come inside my house I would be mortified. Beyond embarrassed. HORRIFIED. It's a wreck. And worse than just a "we have a new baby" wreck. It's putting me in a serious funk.
All of this matters so much more with Liam to consider. It is extremely important to me that my son be raised on a healthy diet and in a peaceful, comfortable home. I know that with kids your house is never perfect and they don't eat the right foods ALL of the time. But seriously..it has to better than this. It's time to straighten up and get back on track, and get out of this funk for good.
I guess this has just been one of those days. I slept late this morning because Liam was inconsolable for a good portion of the night until he completely wore himself out (wondering..does my snack of edamame make him gassy??). I tried to start work at 8:30 - he woke up starving right at that moment. He then proceeded to poop out the side of his diaper all over my hand while I was nursing him. Then he pees AND poops all over the changing table before I get a clean diaper on him (and then smiles gleefully at me, so proud of himself). I lie him in his bassinet to wash my hands and soak the changing pad cover, and Brian says.."I think he's spitting up." Of course, the sheet underneath him is soaked in an absolute puddle of spit up, which he has all over the 2nd outfit of the day AND his hair. YUCK. By the time all of this is cleaned up and he is consoled, it's time to feed him again. Needless to say, I did not start work until after 10 am. I just hope they don't lose patience with this and fire me!!
Like I said...venting. Thanks for listening...I should probably get back to work now, huh? Just had to get that all off my chest.
18 February 2008
"Mommy, why haven't you updated your blog yet???"
Hi Folks! I'm sorry it has been so long since the last update! So much has happened. Liam is 7 weeks old tomorrow. I've been back at work for a week. We finally took the baby to church last week. I'm starting to feel like my old self again!
I've thought of so many things that I want to say over the past few weeks and of course now that I have the chance I can't remember everything. First of all, thanks to all of you for the comments and advice and support!! It's good to know that you are reading and that I'm not alone! Second - Marcy has tagged me on her blog, and I have every intention of creating my own list very soon. No promises as to exactly when, but I WILL do it, Marcy!
Being back at work has been interesting. I'm not accomplishing nearly as much as I used to, but it has actually been good to have the structure to my day. I was getting a little lost there when all the days looked exactly the same. I need a routine imposed for me as I'm not very good at creating one for myself - something that I am working very hard on improving. I am learning to breastfeed and type at the same time (also interesting), and Brian has been feeding Liam one bottle a day too. I love that because it gives Brian a chance to share in something that up until now only I have been able to do. I'm also very thankful for being able to work at home. I cannot imagine leaving Liam all day, especially when he is this small. He actually loves to nap in the sling while I type, which allows me to work and snuggle my baby close at the same time. (Awful picture of me, but you see how much he likes the sling - note the little hands grasping the sides.)
It's amazing what you learn to do in order to get things accomplished with a baby. Sunday morning we were trying to get ready and get to church on time, and I found myself gathering my church clothes and Liam's church clothes and brushing my teeth, all while walking around the house nursing the baby. I never thought that I would nurse my child in some of the places that I have nursed him, too. I bought a Bebe au Lait cover (also called a Hooter Hider - haha!!), a GREAT invention, so I can be discreet. I actually fed the baby on the front porch of a country store with a crowd of bikers sitting in rocking chairs next to me. I never thought that I would do that before I became a mom, but now I realize that feeding my son is more important than where I am or who is around me. No one has really seemed to care all that much, even at the sushi place we frequent!
Anyway, I guess I have rambled on enough for now. I'll post some new pics for you of Liam's newest skill - the SMILE!!! Maybe if I still have time I'll work on that list of random things that I have been tagged to create!