This was really supposed to be all one post, but last night I realized that things were just getting WAY too long and so I figured that I'd come back later and finish up. I don't want to drag on and on and chase you all away!
When I set out planning and thinking of the things that I love, my first thoughts were "Brian and Liam, and Jesus." So I started typing that out. But as I did, I realized that my words just did not feel right, and did not ring true in my heart. So I started over. When I typed out the sentence "I love Jesus" it had the feeling that this was a completed thing, a done deal. When really, to me, it's so much more of a process. Truthfully, I'm in the process of learning to love Jesus each day, and I'm far from reaching that. I guess really the same thing could be said for my love of Brian and Liam as well. I love tea and design and creepy stories as much as I'm ever going to. But loving my husband and my child and my Savior? I hope that for the rest of my life my love grows and changes and moves and is never finished. So I can't say that I love Jesus, end of sentence. I'm just not there yet. Loving my Savior is not something that I always know how to do, or something that always comes easily. But I'm learning.
Something Alli said in her comment on my post about restlessness really rang true with me - we're all a bit "meh" inside. Because that's true, I think we are. I think that "meh" feeling in our hearts is an emptiness that was put there for a reason. We're all searching for how to fill that up, how to satisfy that feeling. The only thing that works is Jesus, but that's so hard to realize sometimes! Learning how to completely let go and let all of our desires be met by Him is part of the lifelong process of learning to love Him. I like what Maya Angelou has to say about this. I don't know the exact quote and Liam is not being patient enough for me to Google it, but she calls herself a "practicing Christian" because she's not an expert yet.
I guess I have to leave Brian and Liam out of the "love" post too. I'm certainly not an expert wife, and Liam is letting me know right now how much of an expert mother I am NOT.
So..... enough for now. Back soon!
The events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves they find their own order; the continuous thread of revelation. - Eudora Welty
4 comments:
I love it. I am learning so much thru you. You honestly have no idea how much you inspire me.
I think I'll just say, "Amen sister", and leave it at that. I wish we lived closer together, because I would love to sit down and talk to you face to face more often then once every 5 years.
Oh well... Thank goodness for the internet!
Funny enough, all I could think was "amen sister" and then I saw that Bethany beat me to the punch! Now that you are back to writing I am back to catching up! The "meh" inside definitely misses having wonderful girlfriends to talk about Him and everything else with. Love you girl-
Ashley
Wow. That's all I can say. That was so well put. Thank you for sharing!
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