I have to admit it's getting better, it's getting better all the time..

Hey everyone! I'm finally updating again, yay!!

Admittedly my last real post was pretty grumpy and bleak sounding, so I'm happy to report that things seem to be improving. I really feel like we are making progress! Maybe it's the warm sunny weather and the hope that spring brings. Maybe it's that Liam is almost 4 months old. Whatever it is, I'm thankful!

Today has been a beautiful day. We've got the windows open with sunlight and fresh air streaming in, and today on my lunch break Brian and Liam and I took a moment outside to enjoy the weather. We've got two apple trees in the back yard, and Brian has set up his hammock between them. While he lounged in the hammock Liam and I snoozed on a blanket on the grass. The apple blossoms sprinkled down on top of us when the wind blew and it was so peaceful, a really nice break in the middle of the day.

I'm really enjoying seeing things come alive in the spring, especially here in our yard and around our house. For those of you who don't know, we are renting this house from our friends from church, Kelly and Brian. The house was built by Kelly's grandfather and she purchased it from him in his old age to keep the house in their family. Before we moved in in October, the house had been empty for 4 or 5 years. We're finding that the yard is full of flowers and trees that Kelly's pawpaw planted and tended, and animals that he encouraged to make their homes here. We've got apple trees, blackberries, and cultivated muscadine vines, and possibly plums or pears (we're not sure which yet). There are pecan trees and great giant oaks. There are azaleas, daffodils, irises, and tulips, and things that we have not even discovered yet, I'm sure! It's nice to have a yard again after living in the city for several years. What is also so neat is that all the animals in the yard are used to the place being empty. Kelly's pawpaw had bluebird houses and I think other bird houses in the yard, and so we have a birdwatcher's paradise around here. The birds and squirrels will perch and climb on the windows and look in at us. I hope that our presence here does not eventually scare them off. There is a red-headed woodpecker that lives in the yard somewhere, and I watch him from the bathroom window a lot of mornings. Yesterday I watched a hawk sitting in the oak tree in the backyard. I hope that when Liam is old enough to see all this that the animals are still around (well, except for the skunks that come around at night...). All these things remind me of my nana and papa's house and yard, and make me feel at home. Liam will never get to run around their place like I did growing up, but I want him to enjoy the simple joys of playing outside like I did. Those of you who know me well know that I wanted to live in the city for a long time, but I realize now that I don't want my little boy to grow up surrounded by concrete and tall buildings!

Speaking of little boys growing up....he certainly is!! The pictures below were taken almost 3 weeks ago:

Entering a contest

Hi All,

A brief post while I have the chance - I'm entering a contest to win a SleepyWrap. I'm loving wearing little Liam around and really want to try one of these wrap carriers! An Ordinary Life (http://kailasmommy.blogspot.com/) has all the details on the contest.

Taken from www.sleepywrap.com: " It's easier to use than my Hotsling, cozier than my Bjorn, great for nursing, and it's easy to machine wash and dry. I couldn't ask for more!"









I promise a longer post with Easter updates and pictures very soon!!

Contradictions...

I'm venting today, I suppose. I feel like my life is a series of contradictions that I am constantly trying to reconcile.

Food, for example. I'm married to a true foodie. Brian loves to cook, and he does it exceptionally well. But more than that, he loves to read about food, talk about food, learn about food. His (non-spiritual) heroes are chefs - Fergus Henderson, Ferran Adria, Mario Batali. Brian knows what excellent food is, and he has taught me so much about delicious (and also healthy) food over the course of our relationship. So WHY ON EARTH do we eat such crap? We've fallen into a rut of Chick-fil-A runs and frozen pot pies. Our cabinet has over 5 varieties of potato chips in it. We went to the grocery store yesterday and left with Easter candy, Gatorade, and other junk. Nothing good or healthy. I admit the way we ate when we first married was more expensive, but we both know how to eat really good food that we cook at home (ok, that HE cooks at home) for just as much as we spend going to Chick-fil-A in a month. We just don't do it. Why? My answer is laziness. Cooking means work, and clean up, which is more work. It's easier to run through the drive in and sit on the couch. But we're both miserable doing this, and we know it. We know better!!! UGH.

Which brings me to the next contradiction. Housework. I've never been able to cook, but I have always prided myself on being able to clean. I'm happiest when my environment is clean and neat and I used to be at least relatively good at keeping things that way (minus periods of clutter from time to time). Now...if anyone was to come inside my house I would be mortified. Beyond embarrassed. HORRIFIED. It's a wreck. And worse than just a "we have a new baby" wreck. It's putting me in a serious funk.

All of this matters so much more with Liam to consider. It is extremely important to me that my son be raised on a healthy diet and in a peaceful, comfortable home. I know that with kids your house is never perfect and they don't eat the right foods ALL of the time. But seriously..it has to better than this. It's time to straighten up and get back on track, and get out of this funk for good.

I guess this has just been one of those days. I slept late this morning because Liam was inconsolable for a good portion of the night until he completely wore himself out (wondering..does my snack of edamame make him gassy??). I tried to start work at 8:30 - he woke up starving right at that moment. He then proceeded to poop out the side of his diaper all over my hand while I was nursing him. Then he pees AND poops all over the changing table before I get a clean diaper on him (and then smiles gleefully at me, so proud of himself). I lie him in his bassinet to wash my hands and soak the changing pad cover, and Brian says.."I think he's spitting up." Of course, the sheet underneath him is soaked in an absolute puddle of spit up, which he has all over the 2nd outfit of the day AND his hair. YUCK. By the time all of this is cleaned up and he is consoled, it's time to feed him again. Needless to say, I did not start work until after 10 am. I just hope they don't lose patience with this and fire me!!

Like I said...venting. Thanks for listening...I should probably get back to work now, huh? Just had to get that all off my chest.

So much to say, so much to say...

"Mommy, why haven't you updated your blog yet???"


Hi Folks! I'm sorry it has been so long since the last update! So much has happened. Liam is 7 weeks old tomorrow. I've been back at work for a week. We finally took the baby to church last week. I'm starting to feel like my old self again!

I've thought of so many things that I want to say over the past few weeks and of course now that I have the chance I can't remember everything. First of all, thanks to all of you for the comments and advice and support!! It's good to know that you are reading and that I'm not alone! Second - Marcy has tagged me on her blog, and I have every intention of creating my own list very soon. No promises as to exactly when, but I WILL do it, Marcy!

Being back at work has been interesting. I'm not accomplishing nearly as much as I used to, but it has actually been good to have the structure to my day. I was getting a little lost there when all the days looked exactly the same. I need a routine imposed for me as I'm not very good at creating one for myself - something that I am working very hard on improving. I am learning to breastfeed and type at the same time (also interesting), and Brian has been feeding Liam one bottle a day too. I love that because it gives Brian a chance to share in something that up until now only I have been able to do. I'm also very thankful for being able to work at home. I cannot imagine leaving Liam all day, especially when he is this small. He actually loves to nap in the sling while I type, which allows me to work and snuggle my baby close at the same time. (Awful picture of me, but you see how much he likes the sling - note the little hands grasping the sides.)


It's amazing what you learn to do in order to get things accomplished with a baby. Sunday morning we were trying to get ready and get to church on time, and I found myself gathering my church clothes and Liam's church clothes and brushing my teeth, all while walking around the house nursing the baby. I never thought that I would nurse my child in some of the places that I have nursed him, too. I bought a Bebe au Lait cover (also called a Hooter Hider - haha!!), a GREAT invention, so I can be discreet. I actually fed the baby on the front porch of a country store with a crowd of bikers sitting in rocking chairs next to me. I never thought that I would do that before I became a mom, but now I realize that feeding my son is more important than where I am or who is around me. No one has really seemed to care all that much, even at the sushi place we frequent!

Anyway, I guess I have rambled on enough for now. I'll post some new pics for you of Liam's newest skill - the SMILE!!! Maybe if I still have time I'll work on that list of random things that I have been tagged to create!

The Worries of Motherhood

I learned pretty early on in my pregnancy that motherhood was going to be full of worries. There are so many unknowns when you are pregnant, and I once thought to myself, "If I can just get him here then I won't worry so much." Immediately the absurdity of that thought hit me and I realized that the worries would only multiply once my son was no longer safely snuggled in my tummy. And it's true - of course Liam will never be safer than he was before he was born, and there are so many things that I'm unsure of as a new mother. I try very hard not to overreact and be ridiculous with my concerns but I'm sure to veteran mothers I would be hilarious. For example, we have spent so much time in this first month worrying over getting enough sleep and getting the baby to sleep at night. Last night he slept for six hours straight - and at 6 am when he had not woken up to feed, I promptly sat upright in bed in panic and rushed into the nursery to wake and feed my slumbering son, pleading with Brian to assure me that he was all right. The baby was fine, of course, and in the end I was thankful for the rest, but in the moment I was terrified!

Along this line, I've been thinking a lot lately about routines and schedules. We've pretty much let Liam control every bit of our time up to this point (as if we've had a choice) but I'm starting back to work very soon and I'm considering the need for a more predictable routine. I'm really not sure how much of a routine a 4 week old baby can be expected to have, but I'm freaking out a little about trying to work and care for him too. In some ways I have an ideal job with being able to work at home and stay at home with him, but at the same time I'm paid based on how much I produce and I'm questioning how much work I'm going to be able to actually get done with my baby needing to be fed and changed and soothed, etc. So I'm asking you all, especially those of you reading who have children (but I'll take any advice I can get!), what tips do you have for making life a little more routine with a baby?

I suppose I've rambled on enough for now. Until the next nap time!!!

Lindsay

Three weeks already!!

I can't believe our baby boy is 3 weeks old already. Thank goodness for baby slings, because I'm finally getting a chance to post an update. Liam is (thankfully) asleep while attached snugly to my chest. The past 3 weeks have moved by so quickly, but at the same time his birth seems like an eternity ago. He's growing so much already!! I spend most of my time breastfeeding, day and night, but at least he's sleeping in decent stretches between feedings. The first four nights at home were insane - nothing could have prepared me for dealing with zero sleep and the "baby blues" at the same time. Poor Brian had to deal with both Liam and I sobbing uncontrollably on several occasions!! That seems to have passed now and I have mastered the ability to fall asleep instantly whenever I get the opportunity. I also have learned to eat all meals very quickly with only one hand, too - he has the uncanny ability to start wailing right when I put the first bite of food in my mouth!! What a sense of humor our son is developing! Speaking of..time for lunch. Here are a few more pictures for you all!

Lindsay

Liam David Gregory Samples

Our precious baby boy has finally arrived!!! He is named for Brian's dad David and my dad Greg, and we added the Liam so he would have a special name all his own. It's the Irish form of William, so that reflects some of his heritage as well. Here are some pictures!!!

Naked baby!!

Daddy's boy...

For those of you who have not heard it, here's the story of little Liam's birth:

As I mentioned above, I went in for my labor to be induced on Thursday. I began the Pitocin (the medication that starts contractions) at around 6:30 a.m. By lunch time the contractions were getting pretty intense and I requested just a little pain medication in my IV, which would be safe for the baby, last about 2 hours, and help me wait a little longer before receiving an epidural. I had planned on the epidural because typically induced labor is much more intense because of the medication. At around 1 p.m. I requested to get started on the epidural. I had to be given IV fluids for 30 minutes before the injection could be done, and my nurse instructed all of the family that it would be about 4-5 hours longer before I gave birth and told them all to go get some lunch, including Brian. I lay in bed waiting for the anesthesiologist to arrive, and things suddenly began to get very VERY intense. My pain medication from earlier had completely worn off. I was in some pretty fierce pain, and I realized that I was actually falling completely asleep between contractions, which is actually a sign of the transition phase of labor. My nurse came into the room to tell me that the anesthesiologist would be there very soon, took one look at me, and decided immediately to check my progress. I got out the words, "I need to.." and she said, "Push? Oh!!" While she was checking me, thank goodness Brian came back in, because I had progressed from 4.5 cm to 9 cm dilated in 45 minutes. Almost immediately I was at 10 cm and the nurse told me that an epidural would be pointless because I was ready to deliver the baby right then. With Brian and the nurse at my side, I pushed for just about an hour and our beautiful son was born!! My doctor helped just a little with the vacuum, which I had been completely against beforehand. My the time she suggested this however I was getting exhausted and was happy for the assistance once she assured me that it would not harm Liam at all. He turned out to weigh 6 pounds and 10 ounces, which is much less than we all expected, including my doctor. But thank goodness for that, because I cannot imagine giving birth to an 8 or 9 pound baby with no pain medication whatsoever!!! I'm still shocked at how quickly everything happened and how it all turned out, but very thankful too. He's healthy and that's what matters most!! I honestly am glad that labor did not take hours and hours, and I think I'd do it all again without the medication (except for the transition phase which was so tough). I have been warned as well that with our next baby I had better get to the hospital immediately or I might not make it in time!

I get to go home in the morning and then life with our baby begins in earnest. I'm looking forward to being back in comfortable surroundings but just a little nervous about having this tiny little thing to care for all on our own.

Thanks to all of my dear friends and family for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. It's great to know that Liam is surrounded by people who care for him so much!!!

Love to you all..time to go feed my baby!!

Lindsay